THE NEW CENTURY LADIES' TANK TOP
You are fabulous and everybody knows it! Well, almost everybody. There's still Jones in Accounting. Jones, of course, who wouldn't know fabulous if it crept up behind him and bludgeoned him with a pool noodle. That's Jones for you, but everybody else knows— Actually, there's Ed. You remember Ed: that intrepid pioneer of plaid & paisley fusion who blends into the presents at the Christmas party? Welcome to the future, Ed; we're all out of patterns. Oh, and Marissa in HR, whom the internet knows as clogkittn86. Isn't she a trip?!
BUT ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE KN— Sorry, caps lock. But almost everyone else knows you're fabulous, darling, from your head to your sneakers. Why not SHOW THEM ALL and wear this tank top BEFORE THEIR VERY EYES. This is the only tank top in the world. that amplifies its wearer's latent IRISH-ARTS POWER (TM) by more than 19.1%. And the best thing is you no longer have to know how to drive a tank to wear one. Yes, ladies, those long hours in tank-operations college are behind us now! *
NO SLEEVES TO GET IN THE WAY
We've done our research on you (not in a creepy way!), and we've determined you're not a big sweater—meaning you don't sweat a lot, not that you're a knitted cold-weather garment (← classic fashion joke). Still, you have arms; why not make a point of them to literally every person you meet? And this little number is much less expensive than running a "Hey, world, I have arms" multi-million dollar advertising campaign.
And hey, it makes a great gift! You could toss this tank top to a sweaty friend with a note that says, "Mop yourself up," and then be like, "So, friend, you can wear it, too!" And that advice would be free—unless you want to charge for it and make millions of dollars... to fund your arms awareness ads. See? Genius!
* The New Century still recommends obtaining the BLAMO American Sportsman's tank operator's certificate much good may it do our customers during a/the zombie apocalypse.
• Front-side Printing
• "New Century Official Awesome-Wear" Brand
• Optimized for maximum fabulousness
• Literally flying off the shelves
• Super Comfortable
• Amplifies latent I-AP (TM) +19.1%
• Fruit of the Loom "Best"
• 50% Cotton / 50% Polyester
• Machine & Hand Washable
"Honestly, I didn't think I could get any more wonderful, but then this shirt came in the mail and now I'm super-duper fabulous to the power of 4—which is great. I was only fabulous to the power of 3 before."
—Jane, President of the Republic of Famousness
"Whenever I wear my beautiful NEW CENTURY LADIES' TANK TOP to the palace, all the courtiers get down on the floor and grovel and drool on the pavement and stuff. And I'm like, 'Paul, for crying out loud, would you get up and make me a sandwich?'"
—Fabula, Queen of Awesomeland